The writer of this blog heartily welcomes the 3 kinds of people who would have accidentally stumbled upon this blog
1. The Unsatisfied Creatures – The ones who can’t access websites like “you porn” and “porn hub” just because they have a damn government owned MTNL internet connection. These people are usually found persistently searching throughout Google (even the dreaded 17th page which as many say nobody has ever had the patience and courage to see) to somehow find that ONE website which doesn’t show the message “This site has been banned as per the instructions of competent authority” , so that they could finally caress their cucumbers and achieve the unearthly gratification.
2. The Exam Frustrated Creatures – The people who have their board exams in a month but just don’t give a FUCK. These people have such resolute faith in the quote –
“It is the greatest samurai who lets his sword rust in its scabbard”
That they even apply this quote on their “S.C Verma’s” and “20 years solved board papers” and let them selflessly rust in the darkness of their cupboards for infinity and beyond ( can’t help it I love toy story). But one question to these people, how come you never apply this quote to you penis?
While describing these categories of people, I have actually come to realize that these are actually the same people, or as I like to say Neil, Nitin and Mukesh are the same FUCKING person.
Now if you go to Google and open the Wikipedia page of “Filmfare Awards”, you will find a very interesting line at the end of the introduction
““The Filmfare Awards have been often referred to as the Hindi film industry’s equivalent to the Oscars.””
Now from the pure idiocy of the statement, I am pretty sure this line is definitely written by a diehard Varun Dhawan fan who like his idol thinks Dilwale was as complicated, convoluted and ingenious as Inception. Or it could also have been written by the person who compared Vivek Oberoi’s performance in Krishh 3 to that of Heath Ledger’s performance as the Joker in the Dark Knight. Wait is it Krishh 3 or Krishh 2, or Koi mil gaya 3…..but if it was Koi mil gaya 3 , then was Krishh Koi mil gaya 2 ….if not then shouldn’t Krishh 3 be actually Krishh 2………..WTF.
Coming back to the topic this line is ridiculous on so many levels. I mean if the Oscars are Angelina Jolie then the Filmfare is Sonakshi Sinha, if the Oscars are Hide and Seek then the Filmfare is Baba Ramdev Patanjali biscuits, If the Oscars is Messi then the Filmfare is Ronaldo — YA SUCK IT RONALDO FANS!!
There is a very deep reason why it is called filmFARE , because it really IS a fare. It is like a black market where all you need to do to win an award is to dance or perform at half the price on the show. (p.s – This is exactly how Dabangg won the Best Film Award).
The Oscars on the other hand is like a white market. It is fair and unbiased most of the times. But to be honest I think the Oscars took its “white market” policy a bit too far and have landed on a controversy.
Recently the Oscars were widely criticized for the lack of diversity in its nominations. It was hammered by thousands of people on social media who mocked the Academy’s discrimination and even went on to create the hash tag “Oscars so white”. (Which gave some of the “out of work” comedians who have been writing the same husband and wife jokes for 52 years something else to joke about). Some of the celebrities have even boycotted the Oscars this time. Leading this boycott is Jaden Pinkett Smith whose greatest achievements in her life have been playing a hippopotamus in the Madagascar series and marrying Will Smith and then together producing yet another terrible “son of the star” actor child Jaden Smith who single handedly destroyed The Karate Kid movie franchise movie for me. And just like an obedient dog, Will Smith also boycotted the Oscars ( since sleeping on the couch coz your wife threw you out of the bedroom is not really a good option).
You know Oscars remind me of that typical wannabe modern Indian guy who likes his coffee black but skin white. Having not nominated ANY black person in ANY category for about 2 years straight, this really has become an essential issue that needs to be pondered upon. An industry represents the ideology and values of a nation. The entertainment industry being one the biggest industries in the US really represents people’s attitudes. Hundreds of movies are made every year, millions of people watch them and billions of dollars are generated from these movies. And if in such a HUGE industry such matters of discrimination and racism arises, it is not a very good sign of where the nation itself is going.
While everyone else is speaking against the Academy, I have a pretty different perspective on this issue. Being a HUMUNGOUS movie buff myself, I really have to say that the nomination is not really unjust in any ways. First let’s talk about the best actor category. Leonardo diCaprio (who can finally escape from the “still no Oscar” jokes this year.), Eddie Raymond(the guy who is nominated in the male category for playing a guy who wanted to be a girl), Matt Damon( for playing the guy who managed to have a sense of humor even after being lost in Mars), Michael Fassbender (who looked NOTHING like Steve jobs) and Bryan Cranston have all given breath taking performances(they are so breathtaking you would need an asthma pump to breathe). Though Will Smith gave a fantastic performance in “The Concussion” and the cast of “Straight outta Compton” despite being young and inexperienced gave solid performances, but none of them could have matched the brilliance of the nominated actors. The same goes for all the other categories, where it was not because of racism that any black person didn’t get nominated but it was simply because none of the black person gave a performance as good as the nominated people. To be honest bringing the topic of “race” and “colour” in awards is really stupid. It’s like me boycotting school just because for the past 2 years none of the OBC caste student has topped the class (I actually tried to give that as a reason for my result to my parents ….but it turns out they are not stupid unlike the parents of Jaden smith.)
Having said that, I don’t mean that there is no problem at all. Yes there is a serious problem that exists for the black people. But my point is that people are blaming the wrong guys. It’s not the Oscars that you should be blaming. They are just nominating people on merit and performances irrespective of the fact whether you are black with a huge dick or an Asian with a small one. The people to actually blame are the studios. The reason why very little black artists are awarded is because THERE ARE VERY LITTLE BLACK ARTIST in Hollywood. Despite the fact that minorities (majorly blacks) makes about more that 50% of the frequent movie goers, there are very few black artists in movies and television. According to the Hollywood diversity Report, black people only play about 13% of the roles and 16.7 % of lead roles in the 174 movies in the year 2015. Hence the problem actually is that the minorities (especially Afro American) are underrepresented which is directly the fault of the studios which hire them. And there is a reason to that too – the studios itself don’t employ many people belonging to minorities. Around 94% of the film studio heads and about 96% of the Television broadcasting network heads are whites. So it all comes down to insufficient employments of the minorities or in this case – the blacks.
In the end I just want to say that the academy can be sometimes really stupid and by that I mean REALLY STUPID. Like the time when they gave the best picture award to Forrest Gump in the year when movies like Pulp Fiction and Shawshank Redemption( which btw is the highest rated movie in imdb), were also nominated or the time when they thought “Shakespeare in love” was better than Saving Private Ryan. But I am pretty sure the Academy is not racists.
Over the years, so many black artists have made a huge mark in the hearts of the people and won the critics with their staggering performances. I mean if I ever made a list of my top favourite actors, Denzel Washington will definitely be in top 3. That guy has seriously won 2 FUCKING Oscars. The only movie in my life that has made me cry was a movie called “the pursuit of happyness” starring Will Smith. The performance he gave in that movie is easily one the best in the history of cinema. Bill Cosby is literally my all time favourite comedian though his horniness has got him into a lot of trouble recently. There is literally no one in this universe who could do angry better than Samuel L. Jackson ( I mean look at pulp fiction , who else could narrate a bible verse and then shoot a guy at the next minute.). Morgan Freeman can literally voice EVERY documentary in this world. Oprah Winfrey is the highest paid television celebrity and one of the most inspirational personalities on TV. You know I don’t know if any of them have won any awards and to be honest I DON’T CARE awards don’t really measure up their brilliance and talent. I am not saying awards don’t matter at all. Yes it is great if u get nominated or win an Oscar for your work but even if you don’t ….its not much of a deal . They make movies and shows for us, the audience, not the industry.
P.s –To all the viewers, Oscars are sometimes like the typical hot blonde – dumb.
P.s 2 – To all the hot blondes, I swear I didn’t say that….it was me in the parallel universe who said it.
Sarcastic ( the Indian guy with the small dick).